HERE AM I, SEND ME

HERE AM I, SEND ME

(For our priests, their life partners and those who wish to be so)

It's impossible to fail when you do your best when you are on the Lord's errand.

There was a song I learned in Class 7-  Isaiah heard the voice of the Lord, and he said 'Here am I send me'. I used to wonder how he could hear God's voice and with what courage he took up the challenge. More confusing were the last lines: And when I hear the voice of the Lord, I will say, 'here am I, send me'. The song was certainly fun to sing, but those last words were heavy. Each time I heard that verse again in church, VBS or camps,I would struggle in my seat, determined not to give my all. 

We all have made the decision to serve the Lord being inspired and touched by the Bible verses like 'The harvest is plentiful, but the labourers are few' (Luke 10:2) or 'Go into the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation' (Mark 16:15). But when it comes to the practical side of this, we shrink our minds and be selfish again. We become doubtful, suspicious and anxious. We want highways and carpets. We can't imagine to mingle with the people of the lower strata. Or we might think we are not good enough. What's all this fuss about? God does not call those who are equipped, He equips those whom He has called. It's not easy to be a priest. It's not easy to live this life- if we take it seriously. It's not easy to always be in good shoes. 

The last one year my daughter Daphne studied in a convent school, named after St. Vincent Pallotti. Her school diary had a few quotes by this saint, which are so humbling and full of faith. Remember that the Christian life is one of action; not of speech and daydreams. Let there be few words and many deeds, and let them be done well. If you search for more online, you will find much more to learn from. And if you meet the Pallottine sisters, you'll see for yourself how to value such teachings while serving the Lord. Such humility, discipline and serving mentality. Don't we lack that in our ministry somehow, somewhere? Does our attitude and mind change for the worse as we gain more experience? 

Priesthood in our church is seen as a profession by many these days. Real priesthood power, the power to act in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, can come only through righteous living. Is that the case now? Professionalism, competitiveness, grudges, jealousy, gossips have all cropped into our community too. Are we working for some kind of promotion as in companies? What more promotion do we need than eternal life? Who can achieve that better than those who preach about God, His wonders and salvation? 

Complaining about our low remuneration to gain sympathy, blaming a church member in the presence of another, creating groups within a peaceful parish, visiting only the rich folks, unable to bring harmony- these are all like throwing a boomerang which will come back and hit right in our face some day. How many of us have called our parish members or staff during this lock-down period to know of their well being? Transfer season is the worst of all-calling here and there to book the best post, without knowing you just stepped on someone else's shoulder to get to your dream, demanding for big parishes with at least some professionals or gulf veterans to lean onto, thinking North India posts and missions are the worst punishment in the world, what not? Why are we so bothered about such trivial things and not let it just happen in its own way? Why can't we just follow the initial oath we once took and go wherever He sends us? (Easy for me to say, ain't it?) 

Missiology is the science of missions. A widely developed subject, I believe, and part of theological studies. I am no one to talk about it or answer all the above questions, but I am sure that ministry and mission go together. Every single priest should get a mission experience. As St. Pallotti once said, God sent you as workers into His harvest that through your ministry, faith may be preserved, and love may grow. This happens in both parishes and mission fields. Remember why you chose to listen to His call. Remember what Jesus asked of us to do till He comes again. Wear a missionary badge; if you have lost it somewhere, paint it on your heart today itself. A priest is not a priest for himself. 

There was a time in my life when I was so adamant to go by my thoughts only- just to be a teacher and do what I can in church only. But God caught me red-handed and showed me that He needs me in a much different way. I heard His voice finally or rather, I opened my ears to hear it. Being the wife of a priest is to partner in his ministry every single day. It's the minister's wife that truly gives the fragrance, the zeal and the zest to his calling. The parish grows with the wife being a true, gracious, genuine, gentle prayer warrior. For him to be committed, focused, spiritually and morally scrupulous is demanding and taxing. We should ward off every temptation that comes his way. 

We have made a covenant with the Lord to be the perfect partner and not a hindrance  in ministry. Even if we have a secular job outside the church compound, as soon as we are back home, our minds, time and prayers should be shared with our Achen's duties. We should be aware of his needs, dealings and frustrations. It's a much bigger responsibility than that of a layman's wife. We cannot turn a blind eye to what happens in the church. We have to support him when he's right and at the same time show him that maybe he could have handled something in a different way. Our tempers or our opinions are not for public viewing. Some matters should remain within our four walls only. 

Our homes and our lives should be as ideal as possible. It should be open to all- not an easy task, right? Our children should understand the homes they are born into and complement to their parents' efforts. If your relationship began based on worldly matters then that would be the guiding factor all through your life. But if the Lord's mission and its accomplishment is your partnership goal and stepping stone into your marriage, then He will carry you through. 

It's not that I am perfect, nor is my role in my husband's ministry. We've lived in utmost limitations and extreme climates, and are ready to do it all over again, how much ever He wants us to. It's not a simple task to make Daphne realise that her family will always be different. We are nothing compared to the many Achens and Kochammas who can fill up books with their unending experiences and steadfast commitment to God's call. Our past generation knew much more how to live with dignity, yet submitting to His will and worked diligently for His kingdom. Our church has grown upon the tears and toils of His faithful people and servants. We are the present custodians and live in the most difficult time to keep ourselves and our efforts holy and truthful. Our youths and children are exposed to numerous evil ways which can pull them away from right under our nose. We have to care more. We have to share more. We have to bear more. 

It's hard to grow your faith inside your comfort zone. Come out of it and submit all to the One who called you. It's hard to stop the onlookers from talking about you or your family. Just don't given them a chance to create rumours. It's so disappointing to hear and see how our priests condemn each other and unnecessarily form ego clashes and suffocation. It's all the more depressing when we reach to such a point that one ignores or turns his or her face to the other in public and vow to make each other's life miserable. For heaven's sake, aren't we supposed to work together in the same centre or diocese some day in the future too? How can we stand at His altar with all this in mind or even preach about forgiveness? Aren't we just blessed enough to be chosen while so many others missed the chance?

'Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure children of God, without fault in our crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe.' (Philippians 2: 14-16) We have lost our lustre and respect nowadays. So many reasons are there. But now we have to gain it back. by helping others to come unto Him we will find that we have come closer to Him ourselves. Take up each assignment as a challenge, even the seemingly less important ones. Make use of the God-given time, before another virus locks everything down again. Serve, like Christ came to serve. Pray, like Christ prayed. 'When you've done everything you can do, that's when God will step in and do what you can't do.' (II Corinthians 12:10) We can never fail when God is on our side. Cover your family in prayers and the blood of the Lamb. If He sent us, He will go before us. There are roads that are still untouched, that have yet to receive His love. There are hearts that are yet to see, the power of Christ that has set them free. Just keep saying to yourself as a gentle reminder, 

Here am I, send me, anywhere for Thee; pick me and write your story. 

Remya Rachel Thomas